I was recently made aware of a so-called \u201ccrab analogy\u201d: A fishmonger cannot be bothered to keep a lid\non a bucket of crabs. Even though many of them will be able to climb over the\nedge and escape, the other crabs will make sure to pull this potential escapist\nback into the bucket (ultimately securing the demise of the whole gang, but let\u2019s\nfocus on the \u201cpulling back\u201d for now).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the analogy to humans, the way of thinking can best be\ndescribed as \u201cif I can\u2019t have it, neither can you\u201d. Allegedly, we like to see\nfriends get ahead, but not too far ahead. People, driven by envy or spite, will\nwork hard to block your success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not subscribing to this analogy. My view of human beings\nremains positive, and I keep seeing evidence of empathy and support. Our\nability as social beings to connect, care and support, is hardwired in our DNA.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s even visible as a certain quality of stress response,\nknown as \u201ctend-and-befriend\u201d: in stressful times, we may become trusting,\ngenerous and prepared to risk our own well-being, all to be able to protect\nothers (: our offspring). Tend-and-befriend is designed to overrule our own\nsurvival instincts: we feel fearless, and feel that our actions really matter. Stimulated\nby the brain\u2019s release of oxytocin, dopamine\nand serotonin, our fear is reduced and\nwe are more social, brave and smart. A gift from evolution to our kids. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And a gift that can\nkeep on giving: you can actually trick your brain into activating\ntend-and-befriend. It\u2019s very simple: help others. Helping others is indeed a\nsurprisingly, even counter-intuitively, effective relief against stress. If you\nare in a period of feeling overwhelmed, look for a way to help others, it will\nhelp you. You\u2019ll be able to register the same effect by pursuing goals bigger\nthan your \u201cown\u201d. If you see your own job in the bigger picture: how is my contribution\nviewed in the perspective of what it contributes to users, clients, leadership,\nthe company mission? Exploring your \u201cwhy\u201d is bound to improve job satisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, what\u2019s the limitation here? Tend-and-befriend is not the\nonly possible response in stressful times, sometimes we get angry, even crabby.\nBut the way we think<\/strong> is critical to\nour experience, not as in \u201dthinking positively\u201d about a traumatic event. But as\nawareness of our biology\u2019s potential to help. And \u2013 importantly \u2013 as the\nawareness that isolation and loneliness will block your well-being and\nrecovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remind yourself, that feeling challenged and overwhelmed, at\nleast some of the time, is a universal experience. And that one of the greatest\nsources of resilience is to engage with others, not to stay away for fear of crabbiness.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n By the way: I hear the reason the crabs are pulling each\nother down is simply that they are trying to escape, pulling on everything they\ncan lay their delicious claws on. The poor thing has been taken out of its\nnatural liquid environment and will do anything to get back. Another case of instincts trying to\nhelp.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was recently made aware of a so-called \u201ccrab analogy\u201d: A fishmonger cannot be bothered to keep a lid on a bucket of crabs. Even though many of them will be able to climb over the edge and escape, the other crabs will make sure to pull this potential escapist back into the bucket (ultimately … <\/p>\n